My Number One
by Starbucks3894
Summary: A Seddie story! Post iParty, pre iOMG. Sam is a little distant. She's just thinking, but is that ever a good thing? Freddie's gonna find out exactly what's going through that little blonde head. R&R pretty please!


**Well, finally! My first Seddie story! I hope anyone who happens upon this enjoys it. :)**

Sam plopped heavily down onto the Shay couch, causing Freddie's juice box to spray all over his pants in a very particular spot.

"SAM! Look what you made me do!"

Sam looked down at his lap and smirked. "Whoops."

"Now, I'm gonna have to go home and explain to my mom why I have a stain on my-"

"Carlay! Carly, Carly, Carly, Carly!"

"She's not here, Spencer."

"Oh." Spencer stopped and scratched his head in a bewildered way. "Shouldn't she be back by now?"

"You know her."

"Yeah," Spencer said, giving that cocky half grin. "She and her constant stream of boyfriends I steadily disapprove of."

"No offense, Spence, but you get really unreasonable when it comes to Carly's boy toys."

"Ohhhhhh..." Spencer groaned. "Could you please not call them that?" He was beginning to look pale.

Sam shrugged. She turned her attention back to the TV screen. Freddie watched as her face slipped down into a dumb stupor. He tugged on her cargo pants' pocket, but she didn't notice.

"What is it about you and Carly's boyfriends anyway? What's so bad about her dating people? She's almost seventeen, Spence." Freddie gave him a look.

"I know that, but it's just... I mean, she's my sister and all. And she has AWFUL taste in boys."

"Yeah, Griffin, Austin, Steven..." Sam counted all the freaks and jerks off on her fingers. Spencer gestured hopelessly and turned his back.

"She has bad luck." Freddie agreed.

"Seems that way," Sam said. "Either that or..." Freddie looked at her, but she just shrugged.

The apartment became silent again.

"Something is VERY wrong..." Spencer said.

Freddie looked up. Sam just continued to stare at the TV screen. Spencer made a little hand motion towards them.

"Why aren't you guys ripping each other's heads off?"

"I already embarrassed Freddie. I try to stay clever and original by either dishing a few insults then a ten minute thinking period, or one insult every five minutes. Ya know, to keep it fresh." She gave Freddie a very hard punch in the arm when she said "fresh". He winced.

"How come I never knew that?" he asked.

"There's a lot of things you don't know, Fredlumps."

Freddie became thoughtful. Sam didn't like when he became thoughtful. He thought too much.

"You still look like you wet yourself, dork."

"Trying to change the subject, Sam?"

"What subject? I think everyone knows that there's a lot of things you don't know."

Freddie frowned. "Oh... well maybe. But I know more than you!"

"You go ahead and think that."

Sam went back to watching TV. Freddie got off the couch and walked slowly over to Spencer. He waited til he saw Sam's face zone out before he spoke.

"Do you notice that Sam's being... a little... I dunno, not aggressive? I mean, making me spill juice down my pants is hardly an insult worthy of her doing. Making me choke on my straw, maybe... but I don't think-"

"Freddie, you're definitely overthinking this. Sam is Sam and she's allowed to have an off day."

Freddie shrugged. "Maybe. But still..."

Spencer had gone back to whatever he was doing on the computer, and Freddie decided it wasn't worth his time to sit next to Sam on the couch and watch mindless TV for the next three hours while Carly was off gallavanting with her beau. He turned to go. Sam wasn't watching TV any more. She didn't look mindless. Or dumb or even remotely interested in anything but the fringe on the end of her tank top. She looked... pained? Confused? Muddled? But since when did HIS Sam ever think enough to actually BE any of those things?

"Oh my gosh..." thought Freddie. "This has got to be a bad thing. I have to talk to her. But what should I say?" Mental face-palm. "What am I talking about? It's Sam, I can say anything and she wouldn't care either way." He tried to convince himself and his heart that this was a good thing as he sidled up to her. He tried to make a fuss about the pillows' position under his back so she would turn towards him, although it would be just like her to ignore him. She turned to him and stared for a long time, but he could tell she wasn't really seeing. Her eyes told him her mind was somewhere else entirely.

"Sam...?" He waved a hand in front of her eyes. She jolted like he had electrocuted her.

"What?" she snapped. No matter how familiar the reaction was, he could tell she was still off. And he intended to find out why.

"Sam, Can I talk to you upstairs? We should start going through ideas for iCarly."

"We should actually wait for Carly, Benson. Can't really start without her."

"We won't. We'll just prepare some stuff for her."

"Hmph. 'Prepare'..." she scoffed.

"C'mon."

"I don't have to do what you tell me."

"One, two..."

"That doesn't really work on me, nub. 'Specially not from you."

Freddie huffed. "Please?" he whined.

She swung her head around to look at him. He pouted. He knew how stupid and unattractive he looked.

Wait... unattractive?

"You are completely pathetic." But she got to her feet anyway, and followed him upstairs. Feeling very pleased with himself, he bounced away after her on the balls of his feet. He hadn't expected that to work. Not really.

"Don't kill each other, please. Carly would never forgive me," Spencer called after them.

Oh, whatever happened up there, Freddie hoped he would come out of it alive.

"Sit," he commanded her when they had set foot in the studio. But she was already calmly staring at him, perched atop the car prop in the corner.

"OK, let's get down to it." Freddie rubbed his hands together. "I was thinking we could try and get Gibby to jump-"

"And I say we get down to the REAL reason you forced me up here, because I know you know I know it wasn't to talk about the webshow."

"Actually, I didn't know that." Freddie leaned against the door frame. Even all the way across the room, he was slightly afriad of her.

"Quit playing."

"I'm not playing, Sam..."

She stared obstinately anywhere but at him.

"What's going on?" Freddie said harshly. "Did I do something?"

"Oh, no," she said flippantly. "Nothing you don't already know about."

"OK..." he said, now thoroughly confused.

"So why am I here? Instead of downstairs, vegging out like I normally am?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you! Were you NOT listening?"

"About what?"

Freddie spluttered. Where were his wits? Sam tossed her hair over her shoulder, and he found all his thoughts scattered like bowling pins before the enourmous ball of her distractive, rather sudden feminity. Had he never noticed how pretty her mouth was? And her eyes, oh wow were they blue...

"I'm leaving," she announced. Freddie slammed the door shut before she could exit. She shrugged and went to the elevator. He stepped in front of it. She put her hands on her hips, eyes flaming. Freddie struggled to not show her how weak he was getting. She would hurt him and get away and then he would NEVER find out why she was acting so weird.

"Dude, what up? Let me leave, because you clearly have no intention of planning iCarly."

"I did," he said, putting emphasis on the word. "But now..." He grinned evilly at her. "Now, I feel like playing a game."

"A game. Really. Have you lost your mind?"

"I think I have."

He thought he saw the ghost of a smile flit across her face. But it was there and gone if ever it existed before he could be sure. He sat down on a beanbag and pulled one to directly across from him. He patted it's comfortable squashy seat, and she sat down. For some reason she was picking her fingernails. And twiddling her thumbs. All the more reason for Freddie to find out why in the world she was being so intelligent and nervous, and completely unagressive.

"This game is a question game. I ask you questions, and you answer."

"I know this game."

Freddie was taken aback. "You do?"

"Yeah. It's called, ' Pointless Interrogation'."

Freddie relaxed. Same old Sam. Nothing to be worried about. Well, nothing emotional anyway. Maybe some physical worries. Like his health.

"First question."

She rolled her eyes, and stretched out. "Why am I here...?"

"I'll ask the questions. Humor me?"

She threw him a withering glare, then went back to biting her nails off.

"What do you think of Carly's boyfriend?"

She looked up at him quickly to see if she could find a motive. "He's cool. Just another boyfriend. Just another break-up waiting to happen. Just another opportunity for Carly to see how desirable she is," her voice faded.

This wasn't an unusual Sam reply, but something about the way she said it, made him look closely at her face. It was a blank slate.

"Why do you say that?"

"Does this count as a question?"

"Sure."

She let out a barely audible sigh. "Why do you care?"

"The quicker we finish the game, the quicker you can go back downstairs and stare at Spencer."

He had no idea where that had come from. Maybe the adrenaline coursing through his veins at her proximity. She gaped, and her mouth opened and closed as she turned redder and redder.

"I- YOU- and I- WHAT are you talking about?"

"Hey, you admitted it yourself."

"I did not."

"Yes. You did."

"I have never admitted it!"

"But you admit that it could be admitted?"

"No, I never said that."

"Well, what are you saying?"

"You're a nut!"

"Stop evading the question." Man was he loving this. She was so helpless.

"Will this be question three?"

"You didn't even answer question number two!"

"Fine, then I'll answer number two."

Freddie waited.

"What was the question?"

"You know what it was Sam."

She grunted. He waited, tapping his fingers on the wooden floor.

"I say that it's just the same old same because that's how it always happens. Carly gets a cute guy who adores her and she throws him away like some old plaything. She doesn't treat them like human beings, which is what they are, no, she's too 'famous' for that..." Her voice got quieter and quieter so that he could barely hear the end of this declaration. She winced a little, as if unsure she should've said that out loud.

Freddie gave a sharp intake of breath. "Ouch."

"You know it's true. She's an angel when it come to everything else, but she has no respect for guys who like her."

"But she likes them back."

"For a little while. But then she gets tired of them."

"Doesn't every girl?" he asked helplessly.

Sam gave him a withering look. Freddie barely realized the need to correct himself.

"Every girl BUT you, Sam."

"Still, none of the guys she goes out with deserve to be dumped as often as they are."

"Hey, you're the one who said she has horrible luck with guys. Austin the interrupter, Griffin the pee-wee boy, and Steven the two-timer. Seriously, when has she had a really successful relationship? When has she ever not had a right to end it?"

"It's not a one-way street, Fredward. Relationships don't just end on one person's account. It's mutual."

Freddie had to understand that she was saying it's partly Carly's fault for going through guys like changes of clothes before he could move forward with his interrogation.

"OK... so, Carly should maybe wait a little while before she dates another guy. IF, this one doesn't work out."

"And we know it won't."

"I never knew you felt that way."

"Well, now you do, nub. Next question."

"You already know question three."

Sam blushed again. "I never said I liked Spencer."

"No..." Freddie said, grinning. "I believe your words were, 'If I didn't have a little crush on you...'"

"That was forever ago."

"So you don't deny it."

"Deny what? That I have a little 'crush' on my best friend's brother? Maybe I do." She shrugged, the blush fading and her cool coming back as quickly as it had left. "It's perfectly normal. Usual, in fact."

"You're anything but perfectly normal, Sam."

She obviously didn't have anything to say to that, so she stayed silent. But Freddie had gotten his answer. It stung a little, though he wasn't sure why. But now it was time. Time for question four. He thought it out carefully before asking:

"Why have you been so quiet lately?"

She clearly wasn't ready for this one, displaying Freddie's keen talent of perception.

Ah, so she hadn't known that he had noticed her odd behavior.

"What makes you ask that, Fredlumps?"

"The only prank you've played on me today was making me look like I'd peed myself." He gave her a meaningful look, as if to say, "C'mon, Sam. How lame is that?"

She looked away and shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm just a little out of it, I guess. Maybe I'm catching a cold." She grabbed Freddie's hand and layed it across her forehead. Freddie had to resist the urge to snatch it back.

"See? I think I have a fever or something. Do you feel it?"

Now that she mentioned it, she did feel a little warm. Her skin was a little clammy too. He moved his hand across her skin, not giving himself time to think about how soft it was before he pulled his hand back. Was it just him or did she look a little disappointed?

"Well, no matter what bug you've caught, you're not getting out of this."

"AERGH!"

"Cool it Puckett!"

"How many more?" she whined, in the most annoying way possible.

Freddie hadn't thought about that one. He had just intended to keep on asking away until he figured out the reason why she wasn't acting like her usually Sam self.

"A few," he answered vaguely.

"Fine. Hurry this up. I haven't got all night."

"Are you sad because Carly has a new boyfriend?"

She pulled a hole in the bean bag cover and started picking the stuffing out. "No. Of course not. Why do you ask dumb questions?"

"That's it, isn't it? But why? Why aren't you happy for her?"

"Why aren't YOU upset, Benson?" she asked suddenly, harshly. "I mean, you're the one who practically risked his life for her. And now you're all docile and 'OK' with her dating Hunky McHotpants, like you were never drowning in love for her in the first place!" She picked at the thread on her beanbag some more, then she stood up. "THAT'S what I don't get."

"I'm asking the questions," Freddie said, standing up with her.

No reply. She just stood there. Freddie was beginning to get worried.

"Are you jealous of Carly? Do you... have feelings for her new boyfriend?"

"Heck no. Not my type."

"Then why, Sam? Tell me!"

"Why? Why do you care?"

"I... I'm just curious."

"OK. So, when you start telling ME the truth, then I'll do the same. But not before, OK nerd?" She got up and went over to the cue cards they had prepared for planning the webshow. She began riffling through them, her back turned.

"_Why does he care all of a sudden anyway?"_ she thought. _"Why does it matter to him that I... well, that I don't think Carly DESERVES this guy?"_

"_Cool it, will ya?"_ her conscience replied. _"Carly's your best friend. You love Carly, don't ya?"_

"_Yeah... she's my girl."_

"_Then be happy for her."_

"_I can't be! It harder then you think."_

"_Try."_

"I am!"

Freddie was standing beside her, to her surprise, when she rocketed out of her own mind. He jumped backward when this exclamation passed her lips.

"What the HECK, Sam?"

"Sorry!" she yelled back.

"What's wrong with you?" Freddie asked, rubbing his ear.

"Nothing."

Freddie gave her an incredulous look. "Whatever."

For some reason, it was Freddie giving up on finding out what was wrong that set her over the edge. Too long she had pretended she didn't care. She was gonna explode if she didn't tell someone. Anyone! Even Fredley.

"You wanna know WHY, I am so out of it?"

He looked at her, and blinked. "Yeah, kinda."

She took a deep breath, and walked around. Her hands were shaking. "Because I'm trying to tell myself to calm down, to not care that I'm always second best."

"Second be-?"

"Just shut-up!" she roared. She was on a roll. "You know... that from the time we were little kids, from the time we were eight years old, she was always the pretty one? People actually thought I was paying her to hang out with me. We were EIGHT! Seriously, was I that gross even back then?"

"Sam-"

"And it only got worse. People just gradually lost the surprise and the shock that we were best friends and just ignored me."

"How could anyone ignore YOU?"

Sam started pacing, she didn't hear a word he was saying. The fury and the grief and the agony that had been steadily building inside her slowly started to seep out.

"Then we started Ridgeway and it was always my fault, everything was MY fault. She would help me with my 'issues' and then people would just start COOING over her, because she was such an angel, trying to help this hopeless little freak. And you know highschool was even worse."

"You have never let anyone know this before, never expressed it. You've always been so cool with everything! You've never really cared!"

"Yeah, I have! I've just been strong about it all so Carly can keep living the way she wants to, cause you know she'd stay single for _months_ til I felt better if she knew... how I felt."

Freddie had to agree with that.

"So... the reason you're upset... is because people have always looked at you as second best? Because Carly is smarter and more popular?"

"Don't forget prettier," Sam said wearily.

"_You are Sam Puckett. You don't cry. You aren't weak. Don't you dare..."_ her mind warned.

She swallowed hard. "So, now you know why." She took a shaky breath. "Can I go now?"

She looked at Freddie. He nodded.

She practically ran to the door, threw it open and didn't look back. She felt like a snail without its shell. Vulnerable and exposed. She had never told anyone what she had just told that boy. She had never even admitted it to herself. Because who wanted to think of themselves that way?

Spencer was still typing away on the computer when she came pounding down the stairs.

"Carlybackyet?" she said quickly.

"No..." Spencer said, swiveling around to look at her.

But she was already at the door. And halfway down the street before Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Sam."

"I don't wanna talk anymore, Freddie." She kept walking.

"Well, I do."

She turned on her heel and jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "You don't call the shots, Benson," she hissed.

"I do tonight."

She turned away. She didn't have to deal with this.

"You're not second best to everyone, Sam."

"Oh really." A tear splashed off the tip of her nose. She wiped it away and felt like she could scream. WHY was she crying? She could be strong while she was off radar, but the moment someone paid attention to her, like she wanted, she just lost it?

"Yeah, really."

She turned to him, hoping the dim streetlamp lights would hide her tears. "Even you like her better..." She had never intended to sound so weak. "Ugh..." She ran her hands through her hair, and turned away.

"Wait! I have to... to tell you something."

"WHAT?" She spun around intending to deal him one square on the nose. He was standing right in front of her. She hadn't even heard him come up behind her. She stumbled backwards, and he caught her elbow.

"Don't worry," he breathed. "I've got you."

She yanked her elbow out of his strong grip and stood about ten feet away rubbing the goosebumps on her arms. Because she did NOT want to acknowledge the fact that she actually felt sparks when he touched her. And his voice just now? Hot.

"Tell me what you wanted to, cause I'm leaving in two minutes, and counting."

"You're not second best."

"You already said that."

"Well, I mean it! Do you believe me?"

"No."

"Can I prove it to you?"

She shrugged.

"You say Carly is smarter. But you're more fun. You say she's more popular. But you're more reliable. She's sweeter, and kinder, and everyone's friend. And you are..." Freddie shook his head, at a loss for words. "You're stubborn and aggressive and not normal..."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"... and loyal and honest and _crazy_ beautiful, and you have never forgotten my birthday, not once, even if you're cards weren't very loving or supportive."

Sam couldn't keep her eyes off of his face. Did he actually mean this?

"And I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything in this world or anywhere else and I-"

"Freddie."

"Sam?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, very."

"I'm not second best to you? I'm... first?"

He smiled. "Pretty much."

She didn't say anything, didn't smile, didn't laugh. She just walked straight up to him, and hugged him tighter than she ever had. He wrapped his arms around her, and they stood there, locked together, for who knows how long. And Sam couldn't believe she was thinking this... but she loved every second of it.

"_Ohmigosh... I'm hugging, EMBRACING, Samantha Puckett. Am I dead?"_ He didn't recall dying if in fact he was departed, but no way could this happen in real life. He had just told her the truth. The reason she was feeling down is because she wasn't feeling valuable, and Freddie had just shown her that she was. Logical right? It was common sense to try and put that beautiful smile back on her face whenever he could.

But the fact that he had pretty much just told her that he loved her MORE than Carly, more than a sister or a friend, that was something else entirely. He wondered what she would say when the time came for them to stop hugging.

She separated herself from him. He stood back to look at her. She had an unreadable expression. He couldn't tell if she was going to hit him or kiss him.

It didn't surprise him that she did both.

**:) Didja like it? I need feedback! **

**Thank you, to whoever read this. Thanks in advance to anyone who reviews. ;) I love you most of all.**

**xoxo**

**~Starbucks**


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